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define('DISALLOW_FILE_EDIT', true); define('DISALLOW_FILE_MODS', true); Über Finanzkrisen
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0

Über Finanzkrisen


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Als Aktionär hat man es nie einfach, das stetige auf und ab der Kurse brachte schon seit jeher viele um ihren Schlaf. Aber was Aktionäre in letzter Zeit durchmachen müssten ist selbst für die Hartgesottenen zu viel. DAX-Tiefstände, Bankenpleiten, 400 Milliarden Euro Rettungspaket der Bundesregierung, sind nur einige Schlagwörter, welche die Lage der vergangenen Wochen beschreiben. Doch was sind schon Worte? Sagen nicht Bilder bekanntlich mehr als tausend Worte? In den Gesichtern der Anleger spiegelt sich die wahre Finanzkrise wider. Es ist an der Zeit, dass auch Sie Ihre Mimik und Gestik dementsprechend anpassen und damit ihren Bürokollegen einen kleinen Einblick in ihre (hoffentlich heile) Finanzwelt geben.

0% Verlust – Jubeln an crashfreien Tagen

Heutzutage ist man ja schon Gewinner, wenn man nichts verliert. Also: An einem crashfreien Tag Arme hoch, Hände zu Fäusten. Lehnen Sie sich leicht nach hinten. Kinn vor, Lächeln im Gesicht. Bleiben Sie aber sitzen (Sie haben ja nichts gewonnen, sondern nur nichts verloren). Übereinandergeschlagene Beine signalisieren Sicherheit: Ihrem Depot ist nichts passiert. War ja klar. Sie haben die Krise vorausgesehen.

3% Verlust – Telefonieren bei leichtem Minus

Ganz wichtig: Ihr Bankberater ist schuld, das müssen alle mitbekommen. Rufen Sie den Berater sofort an. Ziehen Sie die Augenbrauen nach unten. Schimpfen Sie, fragen Sie erregt, warum Ihnen die Bank “seit Jahren nur Mist verkauft”. Drohen Sie ab und zu mit einer Klage.

10% Verlust – Haare raufen bei Absturz

Es ist schlimm! Wühlen Sie in Ihren Haaren, und krallen Sie Ihre Finger oberhalb der Schläfen in die Kopfhaut. Stoßen Sie zur Not eine Kaffeetasse um. Reißen Sie die Augen weit auf, das bedeutet: Panik! Noch aber haben Sie sich im Griff, was der kontrollierte Biss auf die Unterlippe zeigt.

30% Verlust – Weinen bei erdrutschartigem Verlust!

Spätestens jetzt ist es Zeit für erste Tränen! Um Ihre ganze Verzweiflung zu zeigen, deuten Sie Selbstmordgedanken an: Stecken Sie sich zwei Stifte in die Nasenlöcher. Wichtig: nicht reinrammen, nicht selbst verletzen! (Dies hier ist nur eine Anleitung zur Schauspielerei).

100% Verlust – Vortäuschen des Todes bei Totalverlust

Sie hatten tatsächlich Lehman-Zertifikate? Oder haben Ihr Geld bei Kaupthing angelegt? Legen Sie sich sofort auf den Boden, Beine in die Luft. Kurz wie ein Maikäfer strampeln, dann die Beine möglichst laut runter knallen lassen. Einmal stöhnen, Kopf zur Seite drehen, Augen zu – und dann 30 Sekunden die Luft anhalten.


 

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